Consulting Comedian Gifts

'Having conducted a comprehensive review of your business strategy and financial forecasts...'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

"I made my first million tech consulting explaining the cloud to clients."

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'I went into hunting and gathering. And you?'

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'We've identified the reason for our earning's shortfall. It seems our company is run by a bunch of rabbits.'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

Open entrance door to find exit door directly behind it.

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

After talking one stranger to death, Velma starts in on the next.