Consultancy Comedy Gifts

"I made my first million tech consulting explaining the cloud to clients."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Above reproach.

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

'It's important that I see eye-to-eye with any consultants we bring in.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"So in conclusion it's an absolute sh*t show... That'll be £450 million please."

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

"No need to give me credit . . . I'll just take it."

"Guess who's going to be on national television apologizing to the American public."

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

Revolving Doors Ltd. - 'He's in, out, in, out ...'

'I told you not to take a left out of the office - now we're completely lost!'

"Since we are all swamped, I've decided to bring in a consultant."

"This is Bernard, our new management consultant. He is going to be responsible for draining the lifeblood out of staff in a relentless attempt to reach increasingly unachievable and meaningless targets."

"Don't you shush us, mister! We're famous consultants!"

'We've identified the reason for our earning's shortfall. It seems our company is run by a bunch of rabbits.'

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

'You know, you're a very expensive employee because we have to contribute to nine retirement and life insurance plans for you.'

Suggestion box. We value your input.

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"I'll get my people to arrange a meeting with your people, so they can talk about trying to get us to meet again."