Business Critique Comedy Gifts

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"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"It all looks fine to me."

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

Death Boss

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"It's a wonderful partner's desk-but we think they didn't get along."

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."