Intellectual Comedian Gifts

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Archimedes statue with a lever

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Schrödinger and his cat

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'Our recommended position on the market is fetal.'

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'