Intellectual Comedian Pillows

'He's so bright he scares me!'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Archimedes statue with a lever

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Schrödinger and his cat

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'Our recommended position on the market is fetal.'

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'