Consultation King Gifts

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Time Is Money

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'This is a job for a consultant.'

Corporate Whore.

"So finally, the liarbird flew off to the lucrative world of tell-all books, management consultancy and after-dinner speaking..."

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

STRIP *Community Care * 'client empowerment' policy

'I don't actually work for you. I'm a consultant.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

'CPA's' evolving into 'Consultants'