Call King Gifts

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"

Counting ribs

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

Homo Gamus

TV-Man

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'I like you, you've got balls.'

The Unhappy King

Whistler's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

An Advance Visit From The Three Wise Men

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

Like father like son.

The Royal Wii

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"Another organization has already researched this, but I'm afraid that if we use it, we won't get as much credit."

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"We lost another battle? Why does this keep happening?"

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."