Consultation Gifts

STRIP *Community Care * 'client empowerment' policy

'I'm only a consultant, but your father says that this will all be yours someday.'

'We hired a consultant. After three months and $4500 he told us we need more customers.'

"The advice was free. But the office visit was a hundred bucks an hour."

'I'll call you at seven tonight... don't wear any underwear.'

"Usually, I give a free estimate, but for lawyers, I charge a consultation fee."

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

"How would I know how long he'll be? I'm not the psychic!"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Businesswoman Empowerment

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."