Consultation Chuckler Gifts

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"The cookies are always stale."

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Keyboard in Heaven

"It's weeder's elbow."

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'So, Cameron and Clegg have formed a coition.' - 'Sorry, coalition.' - 'Reminder to self. 'No more cheese before bed time.''

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

'Bless you!'

'Yes, I did receive your resume. As a matter of fact, I'm passing it around the office as we speak.'

'So that's 60 minutes, room 4 with Sally, and will you be taking our standard resuscitation insurance?'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

What your acoustic guitar says about you

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

'Your future husband will golf 7 days a week, 9 months out of the year. Since this is bad news, I won't charge you.'

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

'Your dog's paper trained too, huh?'

... I want you to sit in and keep prompting me not to swear.