Recruitment Chuckler Gifts

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"The cookies are always stale."

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

Keyboard in Heaven

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"It's weeder's elbow."

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

'Yes, I did receive your resume. As a matter of fact, I'm passing it around the office as we speak.'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

... I want you to sit in and keep prompting me not to swear.

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

'...and I promise not to make any rash promises...OOPS!'

'I gave at the office.'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."