Medical Consultation Gifts

'No, I don't think Dr. Williams will be mad because you came to me for a second opinion, but I'm mad because you didn't come to me first.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Time for your pills.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"Gross."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

STRIP *Community Care * 'client empowerment' policy

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

Infected Macron

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

'I'm having my colon checked.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'You're going to have to give up painting ceilings, Michelangelo !'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

Hanging out your shingle

Healthy Eating Casualties

"Frankly Mr. Watkins - all your current health issues are down to you rubbish diet..."

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."