Medical Consultation Gifts

'No, I don't think Dr. Williams will be mad because you came to me for a second opinion, but I'm mad because you didn't come to me first.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

'Time for your pills.'

"Gross."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

STRIP *Community Care * 'client empowerment' policy

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

Infected Macron

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

'I'm having my colon checked.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'You're going to have to give up painting ceilings, Michelangelo !'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

Celebration in operating theatre.

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

Hanging out your shingle

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'