Medical Consultant Gifts

Internal Medicine, Nuclear Medicine, Laughter is the Best Medicine.

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"Cardiac day patients?"

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Proctology Clinic 'The Endoscope is Near.'

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

'Yes, I have both a law and a medical degree. If you sue me for 'malpractice', I'll sue you for 'slander'.'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"I seem to recall reading about a similar case, many years ago."

'Here's another rock...you'll find your 'hard place' over there.'

Eye Specialists

'Call yourself a real consultant? You've only kept me waiting six weeks!'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'What's the problem?'

"I'm waiting for a bed."

"I told you we were being stitched up. This consultant's bills are outrageous."

'You can't refuse to have the surgery join our consortium just because of some childhood argument with one of the partners.'

"Sorry, I don't like your opinion either, can I have a fifth?"

'Theoretical medicine sounds fascinating, but maybe you can get a regular doctor in here, too.'

"Congratulations on earning your Proctology license... bottoms up!"

Lazy Doctor

"Actually, I got into gynecology because it's a great way to meet girls!"

'Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well.'

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

Dr. Harris: Dermatologist - Rash Decisions Made Here Daily!

"Nurse, I said 'boil' the instruments, not 'fry' the instruments."

Hanging out your shingle

Flying Doctor and the Second Opinion

"Can you hold?"

'I was hoping it didn't involve those thin white gloves.'

"Ought we to blow the whistle? He is, after all, a senior consultant."

"These antidepressants are depressing me, doctor..."

Dr. Miska: Eye, Ear, Nose and Embarrassing Bodily Functions.

"Regrettably these results indicate you won't require an operation."