Medical Consultations Gifts

'What do you mean 'I'm as healthy as a thirty year old'? I'm only nineteen!'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

Second Opinion

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

"Gross."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

STRIP *Community Care * 'client empowerment' policy

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

"So what brings you in today?"

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Hanging out your shingle

"Frankly Mr. Watkins - all your current health issues are down to you rubbish diet..."

"Are you sure that cutting them up will make him better?"

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

"Cardiac day patients?"

Proctology Clinic 'The Endoscope is Near.'

'Come into the examination room. I want to practice.'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"