Consultant Gifts

Suggestion and 'outside-the-box' suggestions.

'A career? A life? Isn't that a conflict of interest?'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"Hold everything! The P.R. department just sent over this chart."

"That's what I want to say. See if you can find some statistics to prove it."

'We have two options. Boldly tackle the challenges ahead, or hold off and hope an asteroid strikes.'

"Now how can we make this problem fit one of our solutions?"

'Excellent meeting. I loved the quick fixes, the simple solutions, and the easy answers.'

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

"Something about this proposed merger with Wickery Basket Company makes me nervous."

"Looks like we found the issue."

Kid on the way to pricipal's office see a girl in the hall with a stand setup to give legal advice.

Back to work...

"I can remember when having a '212' phone number still meant something in this world."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

'Your proposal is innovative. Unfortunately we won't be able to use it because we've never tried something like that before.'

Your proposal is bold and innovative but we are a traditional corporation. I would prefer changes like the ones we've tried before

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

Doctor Sponsored by Pharmaceutical Companies

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

Three office doors: 'Idea People,' 'Make It Happen People,' and 'Make it Like This Never Happened People.'

'Excellent! So that's all agreed, then! All we need do now is draft the consultation document.'

"Not the most impressive strategic plan I've ever seen."

"It's a panic alarm. It goes off every time management show any interest in another reorganisation."