Consultancy Gifts

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

"I see the gist of your report is that we should take on more consultants."

"Are we all consultants here? Does anyone actually work here?"

'So how can you help us?'

"This is Mr Smith, he's our new recruitment expert."

'It's important that I see eye-to-eye with any consultants we bring in.'

"Take us to your diversity outreach consultant."

"This is Bernard, our new management consultant. He is going to be responsible for draining the lifeblood out of staff in a relentless attempt to reach increasingly unachievable and meaningless targets."

"Since we are all swamped, I've decided to bring in a consultant."

"Don't you shush us, mister! We're famous consultants!"

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

"£38,000 in consultancy fees and 'sell more stuff' is the best you can manage."

"So in conclusion it's an absolute sh*t show... That'll be £450 million please."

"We can definitely get you a solution for very little money. And for just a moderate amount, we can supply a good one."

"It's a report form the consultancy firm, they say it will help clarify things."

"We seem to be going round in circles."

'A consultant is an ordinary man a long way from home.'

'The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his ***** dates at this ***** stage which fits in with the 'Management change' consultant who said....'

'Hi, we're your new management team. We're here to save you!'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

'It's a way to make money.'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Businesswoman Empowerment