Medical Expert Gifts

'It looks right, but actually it's very, very wrong.'

You should be clear and tell patients that Doctor Jones has an encyclopedic knowledge of diseases, not that he is "ill-informed."

'The specialist they sent Humbert to turned out to be a taxidermist.'

Next time we're expecting a so called epidemic, we'll do nothing, with any luck it'll go some way to compensating for illegal immigration!

"Congratulations on becoming a Proctologist...bottoms up!"

"Ask Siri, if you want a second opinion!"

"The doctor said he could see you at 2 or 3 turdy."

"Can you hold?"

"Can't I go anywhere without someone asking for free medical advice?"

". . . Listen Doctor. . . If I want a second opinion I'll ask Mike Pence!"

Where your mind & battle are los

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"We've made great progress!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

vaccine wars.

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'