Specialty Expert Gifts

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Gifted class, indeed! One is gifted in science, but can't rad - one is fixed in reading, but won't even try math..."

Counting part time employees is the new math.

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

Pull the udder one

Good Luck!

Medical Examinations.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Proctologists' Office Party Games

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

'I was hoping you could help me with an implant.'

"Thank you for coming. The talks were forthright and useful, and provided an excellent climate in which to resolve our remaining differences."

Trust Your Doctor

Waiting staff

'Of course, simple mistakes can be done by anybody, but to really mess up things, you need a specialist: me, the IT consultant!'

A proctologist by trade, Bob liked to spend his weekends out in nature.

Niche Marketing

"I can refer you either to Dr. Basinkski, a noted specialist, Dr. Hodge-Cabot, who is a pioneer in the field, or Charlie, a generic doctor who also does a very nice job."

"Breathe, darn it, breathe!"

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

"Can't I go anywhere without someone asking for free medical advice?"

"All we've come up with so far is that new meatloaf."

"I failed driver's ed....Apparently there's like this rule about rear-ending a police car!"

"I have prescribed something to make you sleep better! Be careful not to take too many! If you do this side effect is headaches!"

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."