Specialty Expert Gifts

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Gifted class, indeed! One is gifted in science, but can't rad - one is fixed in reading, but won't even try math..."

Counting part time employees is the new math.

Pull the udder one

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

Good Luck!

Pre-Old Blues

Medical Examinations.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

Proctologists' Office Party Games

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

To prevent geese from flying toward its planes, Jupiter Airlines made some key design changes,

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

Waiting staff

'Of course, simple mistakes can be done by anybody, but to really mess up things, you need a specialist: me, the IT consultant!'

A proctologist by trade, Bob liked to spend his weekends out in nature.

"Thank you for coming. The talks were forthright and useful, and provided an excellent climate in which to resolve our remaining differences."

Trust Your Doctor

'I was hoping you could help me with an implant.'

Niche Marketing

"I failed driver's ed....Apparently there's like this rule about rear-ending a police car!"

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

"Breathe, darn it, breathe!"

"All we've come up with so far is that new meatloaf."

"I have prescribed something to make you sleep better! Be careful not to take too many! If you do this side effect is headaches!"

"Can't I go anywhere without someone asking for free medical advice?"

"I can refer you either to Dr. Basinkski, a noted specialist, Dr. Hodge-Cabot, who is a pioneer in the field, or Charlie, a generic doctor who also does a very nice job."

Let the profit-making begin!