Discipline Expert Gifts

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principal's office. It's nothing personal. It's just a classroom management thing.'

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

"Thank you for coming. The talks were forthright and useful, and provided an excellent climate in which to resolve our remaining differences."

"I'm warning you, young lady. You've got to the count of three before I say 'I'm not kidding'."

The naughty step

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Grounded

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

Pull the udder one

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

'Coulda, woulda, and definitely shoulda.'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

'Should-do and shouldn't-do sound a lot alike.'

Verbal Orders

'I never believed in spanking children - until today!'

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

I will not waste chalk kid...

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

'Dad's old school teacher was really strict. He still has to go back every night, to finish his detention!'

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

Funny how moms know when you're going to do something naughty at the exact time you're doing it.

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

"I can never remember whether children are to be seen and not heard or the other way around."

I will not chew gum in class, even sugarless....

'No breakfast until you're finished making your bed, Joey.'

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

"How about you slap me on the wrist and I neither admit nor deny any wrongdoing."