Discipline Expert Pillows

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principal's office. It's nothing personal. It's just a classroom management thing.'

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

"Thank you for coming. The talks were forthright and useful, and provided an excellent climate in which to resolve our remaining differences."

'Mrs. Sandler, I'm sorry we were late! No! Not that, Mrs. Sandler! Ahh! No, please! I beg of you!...'

"I'm warning you, young lady. You've got to the count of three before I say 'I'm not kidding'."

The naughty step

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Grounded

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

Pull the udder one

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

'Coulda, woulda, and definitely shoulda.'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'Should-do and shouldn't-do sound a lot alike.'

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

'I never believed in spanking children - until today!'

Verbal Orders

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

I will not waste chalk kid...

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"No, he's not grounded anymore. He used his allowance and lawyered up."

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

'Dad's old school teacher was really strict. He still has to go back every night, to finish his detention!'

I will not chew gum in class, even sugarless....

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

Funny how moms know when you're going to do something naughty at the exact time you're doing it.

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

"I can never remember whether children are to be seen and not heard or the other way around."

'No breakfast until you're finished making your bed, Joey.'