Discipline Commentator Pillows

'My teacher and I have irrenconcilable differences.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

Tree of Public Opinion.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Verbal Orders

Pundits

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"Actually, we will replace you."

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

The United States of Amazement

Chess on TV

Defunding the police vs defunding education

"This is gonna be great!"

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Illegal immigrants, if you ask me.'