Legal Consultation Gifts

"I'm afraid you're retaining lawyers."

' Even though you can't make heads or tails out of it, let me assure you, it is, heads we win, tails they lose.'

'After living together for ten years, we now realize that the only thing we have in common, is common law.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'And after I'm through, our staff attorney will drop by to assist you with all the pre-nuptial agreement documents!'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"