Communication King Gifts

'He loved his mobile!'

'Sorry, but your time on hold has expired. CLICK!'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Inclusive speech

"National security adviser"

Create some buzz!

Couples' therapy

Teamwork

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

WHO checklist

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

The Thinker. The Listener

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

We never got anything done around here until we invented verbs.

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

Sports Radio in Crisis

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

'My market doesn't understand me.'

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

"I can't believe you made it past our bitch receptionist."

I'll put this in a way you'll understand: you need to transfer your feelings from savings to checking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

There's a real disconnect going on here.

"Another organization has already researched this, but I'm afraid that if we use it, we won't get as much credit."

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

'In our press release, stress that our strategic focus will be on solving society's problems. This is code for making a bundle of money.'