Constitutional Guardian Gifts

"With Trump in office, we'll learn if the Constitution protects us from autocrats."

US Capitol Building Toppled

Louie Gohmert

"He likes it."

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

"Ok, so you beat me at scrabble!"

"It's trickle down."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'Honey, the long-run is here!'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"My parents call it a blanket hanging from my ceiling. I call it a giant privacy filter."

Beefeater

'But what about the 4th Amendment?'

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

Deer Crossing.

"Our founders built this company on a certain set of principles. But since they're all dead and nobody wrote anything down, looks like we're screwed."

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

"On the bright side...at least y'all don't have to wear those dadgum masks."

"Get the story and get it write."

We'll pass on the entrees...

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

Human rights fish is eaten by a shark.

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

I'm sorry, sir, but the bill is correct. The sign says "Kid Seat Free," not "Kids eat free."

Sometimes I worry about you, Axel. Teenagers are a big source of anxiety for their guardians. You don