Conservation Comedy Gifts

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

Water company bonus.

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'But Honey, if we have kids, we won't be endangered anymore: We will lose all the social benefits and attention...'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

Keep it on until he's gone. They still think we're extinct.

Ecotourism.

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

"He's a keen conservationist - especially where energy and water are concerned."

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

'So there's global warming. What possible harm could it do?'

'Did you just hear that? Scientist say we are now an endangered species and mating should be our top priority!'

"It doesn't make me feel sexy, it makes me cross-eyed!"

Paper Bath Towels.

Will work for manure.

Humpty the Game Warden

igloo smoking zone...

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

Raking bad.

'I can't do anything. It's on the endangered list.'

'What kind of mileage do you get?'

"There's no such thing as a vegan flytrap."

"Hello Bob, I haven't seen you since you had a water meter fitted!"

'How can anyone say our factory isn't green? Most of our waste is that colour!'

'Native wildlife self preservation.'

If Global Warming is a left wing plot...it's a very good one.

'If it'll make you any happier, we're biodegradable, too.'

Tofurkey.