Conservationist Comedist Gifts

"It doesn't make me feel sexy, it makes me cross-eyed!"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'It's an extinction notice.'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Penguin

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'But Honey, if we have kids, we won't be endangered anymore: We will lose all the social benefits and attention...'

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

"Before I start. . . . are you sure pruning doesn't violate the tree's rights?"

'...and this is the water garden...'

Ecotourism.

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

Keep it on until he's gone. They still think we're extinct.

Where's my global warming?

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

This is where Brent council sends you

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

Alligator Bars

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

"Have you noticed Carl never leaves the field to go to the bathroom?"

'It's self cleaning, and runs on natural gas.'

"This is a terrible table!"

'So there's global warming. What possible harm could it do?'

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

Crossing Guard to rabbit at Deer Crossing: 'Not so fast, buddy - you don't look like a deer to me!'

'Did you just hear that? Scientist say we are now an endangered species and mating should be our top priority!'