Congestion Comedian Gifts

"I wasn't honking at you! Isn't it obvious I was honking at the guy 10 cars ahead of you?"

Laughing Zone Ahead

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Take me home now!"

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

"Someone has stolen my identity crisis."

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

A musician bowing a tiny guitar

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

"Hey! Buddy! This is an interdimensional 4/3π way stop!"

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

'Just hold on! Screaming never solved anything.'

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

Trapeze artists commuting

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

Martian Rovers find proof of intelligent life on the red planet.

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

How will this impact me?

In case of fake news about a phony emergency ring false alarm.

Metrocard error messages

"I always put things off until the last minute."

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

'How'd the negotiations go? Take a wild guess.'