Compulsion Comedian Gifts

"How long have you been a compulsive eater of onions?"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'It's not company policy but how about starting on some performance enhancing drugs?'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'Is this a trick question?'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

"Of course under your new contract the requirement for you to provide 24 hour cover is optional...you could also opt for 36 or 48 hours!"