Conference Room Comedians Gifts

"Mr. Hazlett is in conference right now. Would you care to see his evil twin?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Moses on the web

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

"It's going to be huge! Cheese-flavored vodka!"

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

'Did anyone tell her we're from another planet?'

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'