Boardroom Comedians Gifts

'That's not bad. But most of the other consulatnats gave us mission statemens with more detail.'

"It's time we start moving into this uncharted territory."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'Then it's agreed - we exaggerate the problems we can handle to cover those we can't.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."