Conference Comedian Gifts

A giveaway tan line...

"Nigel's boss told him to get in the conference photos at all costs"

'Thank-you for that amazing standing ovation. . .'

People, come on, connect the dots...NOT THOSE DOTS!

"Would you like to have a drink with me after the genocide panel?"

When I went in they were discussing Tina Turner.

'And finally a man who needs no introduction... unless you want to know who he is.'

Distracted by the Senator's mesmerizing speech, Willard inadvertently pushes the wrong button.

"If anyone has a question do not hesitate to open your mouth wide up."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'