Conference Clown Gifts

'And in conclusion.'

The facilitator from hell.

'Then it's agreed - we all keep our arms raised until someone blinks.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Shake it all about sign on desk

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

Brainstorm in progress.

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

'How come, unlike some other bosses, you never surprise me with little promotions?'

Acme Toys Ltd

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...