Campus Clown Gifts

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Awesome. Now let's try this with bottles.

'Huck me.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Ethics exam cheater.

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

This is a 'text book' it's a bit like a website but printed on paper.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"In economics, I got an IOU."

"Pfff, eating homework is nothing! My mum eats the clothes off the clothes line..."

Shake it all about sign on desk

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'