Campus Clown Pillows

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Awesome. Now let's try this with bottles.

'Huck me.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Ethics exam cheater.

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

This is a 'text book' it's a bit like a website but printed on paper.

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

Young Dr. Dolittle.

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"In economics, I got an IOU."

Shake it all about sign on desk

"Pfff, eating homework is nothing! My mum eats the clothes off the clothes line..."