Classroom Clown Gifts

Young Stephen King

'No, Adam, 'awesome' is not an acceptable choice of what you want to be when you grow up.'

"EINSTEIN! Stop fooling around and pay attention...."

Life In Grade A.

This is a 'text book' it's a bit like a website but printed on paper.

'Once again, you were right only fifty percent of the time, Have you considered a career as a TV weatherman'

'When does the screen saver come on?'

'I don't know whether these are good grades or not. The teacher calls them unique.'

It's a text! From Sir! He's giving me a detention for having my mobile on.

'The 5 is silent.'

'I plan on becoming an auto mechanic when I grow up. Would you settle for an estimate?'

'Yes, that person there...'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"Johnny is absent minded, lazy, easily distracted, loaf of bread, milk, half a pound of cheese...."

You're awesome, Larry! When that teacher said 'there are no dumb questions'...you sure proved HER wrong!"

'For show and tell I downloaded our teacher's credit report from the internet,'

'How did my Chinese ancestors keep from falling off the earth before Mr Newton invented gravity?'

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

Sent to the corner on school sports day.

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

'Today's lesson - how to slam a door.'

"Maybe I'd get better grades, Dad, if you came up with some kind of stimulus package."

'Wrong, Mr. Kelly. And might I add that 'rectum' is not the answer to any mathematics problem.'

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

"Let's work really hard today—your parents are eager for deliverables."

'What it all boils down to is that I'm being punished for being a member of the human race!'

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

'Well if you don't want to see me in here anymore, then tell the teachers to stop picking on my bad behaviour!'

'Name two pronouns.'

Pirate school.

"I didn't do my assignment because I just didn't feel like it. I'm hoping my honesty is so refreshing that you won't give me a zero on it."

"Do you think that will count as our 'Fifteen minutes of fame'?"

'Morning Headmaster ... er, I think we may have a knife problem in the school.'

'Tommy, stop throwing pencils into the floor or it's back to the principal's office!'

'And pray what is it this time in your never-ending infantile wisdom?'