Conference Room Clown Gifts

'I want to see more blue sky thinking.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

This is a 'text book' it's a bit like a website but printed on paper.

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Shake it all about sign on desk

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

"Do you think that will count as our 'Fifteen minutes of fame'?"

Brainstorm in progress.

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

'How come, unlike some other bosses, you never surprise me with little promotions?'

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."