Conference Room Comedian Gifts

'I'm just concerned that if we embrace change this one time, change might get the wrong idea and mistake it for some kind of long-term commitment!'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"The meeting will come to order."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

Moses on the web

"Morning, all!"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."