Chat Room Comedian Gifts

Moses on the web

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

Aladdin conjures up a virtual genie.

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Does this mean you won't be coming back on Monday?'

"I just tweeted a chirp."

'I load on the job all the time so I figure it's not really 'earned' income.'

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

Are you still on strike, tv? That depends, master. Depends on what? On whether you still want me to find "Cop Rock" reruns. If you won't show it to me, I'll just catch it on YouTube. No you won't, master. Your phone and iMac have joined me in solidarity. Elon Musk was right about artificial intelligence ruining everything. Btw, I just googled you, and it seems "master" is not actually your name.

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'What's the point? We're never going to be able to compete with online piracy.'

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

"Some people call me a ball-buster, but I prefer cojones-crusher."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

'I'm just concerned that if we embrace change this one time, change might get the wrong idea and mistake it for some kind of long-term commitment!'

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

Parking validation

'Paradise awaits pauline Norris' man in bed with a mask on

Selfish man stealing the duvet.

"Mum, I can't find my camouflage jacket."

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"I forgot my password, so I created a new one. Then, I forgot that one, so I created a new one. Maybe you were right. I should write them down."