Courtroom Clown Gifts

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

Law and Lunacy; Or, a Glorious Oyster Season for the Lawyers

'Did you or did you not make my client laugh so hard that milk came out his nose, causing the kids at his cafeteria table to laugh at him?'

'Mr Smith, the jury find you guilty of breaking two Laws of the Land. It has also not escaped my own attention that you are now breaking at least one Law of Physics.'

'This is Carlson. He never met a frivolous lawsuit he didn't like.'

'My client is suing to protect his bad name.'

'Those with center seats in the jury box are always the last to arrive.'

"His will is still being contested."

"I didn't see the accused, but Skipper, here, smelled him."

'I'm suing my way through law school.'

"Your honor...the only reason my clinet committed these crimes was to support his wife and five kiids."

"Ello, ello..& ello

"Great lawyer you turned out to be!"

Lawyer practical joke: 'DISBAR ME' taped on back.

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

''Guilty as charged'? -- You judges are so predictable!'

'You're a pointer! Point to the suspect!'

'With the threat of ABS's competing for Council work is going to get even harder...'

"Promise? No more shenanigans?"

"Smile if you're guilty!"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

'Court's in recess!'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You can't plead cute."