Courtroom Critter Gifts

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

'Court's in recess!'

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"#notguilty."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'