Courtroom Charmer Gifts

'Did anyone ever tell you that you're beautiful when you're litigious?'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

'I'll show you my fine print, if you show me yours.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"#notguilty."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'