Courtroom Joker Gifts

'Sure your attorney can be in the operating room, during you surgery, but we'll have to give him anesthesia too.'

'How did you know that I'm an attorney?'

'This one's a lawyer...no need to sterilize anything.'

" I've handled hundred of cases like this...I'm bound to win one sooner or later."

'Court's in recess!'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

ACME LAW FIRM, 'We've got to find some outside clients -- We can't make a living just suing each other.'

"Your honour, my client will agree to the divorce provided she can continue living happily with his money."

Attorney at Law: Civil/Criminal/Family/Birthday

Police compensation claim.

Nothing personal. We sue all of our friends.

'Simply answer the question, yes or no, in as few words as possible.'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

'We don't do pro bono, but you're welcome to join us any Thursday between 6 and 7 for amateur hour.'

'This shows that not only were you shoplifting, but that you're going to sue my employer.'

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

'My husband's a criminal lawyer...'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"#notguilty."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''