Cone Of Shame Survivors Pillows

"I'll take it off if you promise not to pick at the stitches."

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

Dog wearing a cone

"Fill it up!"

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'

"The vet made me wear this, and I can't lick my balls...uh...could I lick yours for awhile, Rex?"

'No need to shout.'

"No surgery. I'm just trying to hide a pimple."

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'If it's any consolation, I'm having him fixed next week.'

"Someone at this address is intercepting foreign hacking codes."

They say I get 152 channels.

Puppy Love

'I wish I could scratch my ears.'

"Laugh if you want, but I have my phone in here."

"For goodness sake, I don't need to do a new risk assessment each time I cut a new tree..."

Showering in winter.

'So, you've been under the knife as well?'

Dance of the Inconsistent Water Temperature

'Well that's what you get for picking your scab. . .'

'I can't lick my itchy bum, but I have amazing hearing!'

'I had a basketball-sized tennis ball removed from my stomach... I bet you can't top that!'

'Look on the bright side. It adds a cool echo effect to your bark.'

Disgraced sports hero image rehab.

"Just what I like: the tall and silent type"

'Women? No, I joined up to forget fifteen men, the English Rugby team.'

'Were you out drinking last night?'

'You're smoking like a bastard tonight.'

The Cone Ranger