Cone Of Shame Chuckler Pillows

'I wish I could scratch my ears.'

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

"Fill it up!"

Dog wearing a cone

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'

"The subwoofers really help."

"The vet made me wear this, and I can't lick my balls...uh...could I lick yours for awhile, Rex?"

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

'No need to shout.'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'If it's any consolation, I'm having him fixed next week.'

"No surgery. I'm just trying to hide a pimple."

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

'You kids get out of this park right now and go play in traffic!!!'

"Someone at this address is intercepting foreign hacking codes."

Not much of a resume. Anything besides these 7 Deadly Sins?

Puppy Love

They say I get 152 channels.

"I'll take it off if you promise not to pick at the stitches."

'So, you've been under the knife as well?'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

'I can't lick my itchy bum, but I have amazing hearing!'

'I had a basketball-sized tennis ball removed from my stomach... I bet you can't top that!'

'Look on the bright side. It adds a cool echo effect to your bark.'

'I'm fed up with this hosepipe ban... I mean, it's not like we really need one.'

"Really? You're going to use that to catch candy?"

'You just stood there and let them put a bell on you? -- What were you THINKING?'