Cone Of Shame Chuckler Pillows

'I wish I could scratch my ears.'

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

Dog wearing a cone

"Fill it up!"

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'

The First Cone of Shame.

"The subwoofers really help."

"The vet made me wear this, and I can't lick my balls...uh...could I lick yours for awhile, Rex?"

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"I can't stop licking my boo-boo."

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'No need to shout.'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'If it's any consolation, I'm having him fixed next week.'

'You see?! These cones may keep us from licking ourselves, but they really enhance our sense of smell.'

"No surgery. I'm just trying to hide a pimple."

'You kids get out of this park right now and go play in traffic!!!'

The Big Four debate banking ethics

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

"Someone at this address is intercepting foreign hacking codes."

Not much of a resume. Anything besides these 7 Deadly Sins?

Puppy Love

They say I get 152 channels.

"I'll take it off if you promise not to pick at the stitches."

'So, you've been under the knife as well?'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

Sorry. Forgot about the cone.

'I can't lick my itchy bum, but I have amazing hearing!'

'I had a basketball-sized tennis ball removed from my stomach... I bet you can't top that!'

'Look on the bright side. It adds a cool echo effect to your bark.'

Keep coming … keep coming … a little farther … Ok, ok, stop, you're good right there.

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

'I'm fed up with this hosepipe ban... I mean, it's not like we really need one.'

"Really? You're going to use that to catch candy?"