Cone Of Shame Comedy Critic Pillows

Dog wearing a cone

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"Amateurs."

"Fill it up!"

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

The First Cone of Shame.

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Non Thought For The Day.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

A skip full of fools.

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I can't stop licking my boo-boo."

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"The vet made me wear this, and I can't lick my balls...uh...could I lick yours for awhile, Rex?"

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

'No need to shout.'

'Cohiba is written on here with a Sharpie.'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'You see?! These cones may keep us from licking ourselves, but they really enhance our sense of smell.'

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

"No surgery. I'm just trying to hide a pimple."

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'