Cone Of Shame Survivor Pillows

They say I get 152 channels.

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

Dog wearing a cone

"Fill it up!"

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'

"The vet made me wear this, and I can't lick my balls...uh...could I lick yours for awhile, Rex?"

'No need to shout.'

"No surgery. I'm just trying to hide a pimple."

'If it's any consolation, I'm having him fixed next week.'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

"Someone at this address is intercepting foreign hacking codes."

Puppy Love

'I wish I could scratch my ears.'

"I'll take it off if you promise not to pick at the stitches."

"For goodness sake, I don't need to do a new risk assessment each time I cut a new tree..."

'So, you've been under the knife as well?'

'I can really empathise with the basketball hoop.'

Dance of the Inconsistent Water Temperature

Laundromat has a bin for trash & one for unmatched socks

'Well that's what you get for picking your scab. . .'

'I can't lick my itchy bum, but I have amazing hearing!'

'I had a basketball-sized tennis ball removed from my stomach... I bet you can't top that!'

'Look on the bright side. It adds a cool echo effect to your bark.'

"Really? You're going to use that to catch candy?"

"They say I get 152 channels."

'Were you out drinking last night?'

'Women? No, I joined up to forget fifteen men, the English Rugby team.'

"Just what I like: the tall and silent type"

The Cone Ranger

"It's okay, there's no need to shout!"