Conceptual Comedians Gifts

Fencing Venn Graph

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

Monet At Open Mic Night

Memory Foam Mattress.

'But, there must be some mistake. I don't want to buy the school.'

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

Ye Olde FIgure-Drawing Classe

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

"I'm hoping that once we enter the Bronze Age I'll be able to get a better likeness of you."

'Sorry, you're not suitable for the post of Assistant Beggar.'

Unlike other places, around here "take a load off" means "get back to work."

No genetically modified candy used in this construction.

The leatherhosen thief strikes again!

"The face of the pear-shaped man reminded me of the mashed turnips that Aunt Mildred used to serve alongside the Thanksgiving turkey. As he got out of the strawberry-hued car, his immense fists looked like two slabs of slightly gnawed ham. He waddled over

"What is this endless series of meaningless experiences trying to teach me?"

Political Hipsters

Eggskimos: Eskimos in the form of Eggs.

"My humour needs bringing up to date. Do you think the New School might have something?"

Tallit barcode

"My feet were killing me."

"This Subway Diet is way better than that Atkins nonsense."

BILL & YADDA-YADDA GATES foundation

“That’s not the nuclear football That’s my gym bag.”

'Not a 'podcast' - just a cast.'

'He's so bright he scares me!'

Scavenenger's hunt.

Houdini.

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

"Chuck, you were a model human throughout your life. I invite you to return to Earth as anything you please."

Middle-aged dreidels

"...Toro..."

Warning: surgeons operating in this area.