Constitutional Comedians Gifts

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Judge Mental.'

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He's not going to win. He was the first to announce. No first-announcer has won since 1952. Besides, his name's too similar to Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise is so not in right now. HOJ. We should have our own political show. If I an do it shirtless, I'm in.

On second thought, your honor

'Talk to my lawyer.'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

Sen. Krupt. Your vote should never be for sale. It's much more efficient to rent it out!

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

'We'd better patent this, so the homo sapiens can't steal it from us, like they did with the fire.'

Memory Foam Mattress.

"Got outta jury duty!"

'My client stands before you, a jury of his peers ...'

Trump in Washington

"My client can't help his verbal obfuscation. He's suffering from straightforwardness dysfunctionality."

'He was a product of his environment. He LIVED in a cooked house, he HAD a crooked wife.'

"He can't tell his left from his right."

"Having a real pitbull for an attorney was great...at first."