Constitution Comedian Gifts

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Constitutional Convention. We're behind schedule, everybody wanted to make a speech about the first amendment. For the second amendment, let's stick to bullet points. (Published previously on May 19, 2010).

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

"Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Choose two."

"And this will allow people the freedom to express themselves through the talking points of their choosing."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'Look...a fresh one!'

Antonin Scalia

''Congress shall make no law'... now, I wonder what they meant by that...?'

A musician bowing a tiny guitar

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"'Article I. Section 9. Claus B. No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States' - we gotta change that."

Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He's not going to win. He was the first to announce. No first-announcer has won since 1952. Besides, his name's too similar to Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise is so not in right now. HOJ. We should have our own political show. If I an do it shirtless, I'm in.

U.S Capitol Building Tank Turret

'An injunction against the First Amendment? - Can we DO that?'

'Let's see now...we'll give them democracy, but not too much democracy.'

"But what if a tyrant comes to power and no one's able to stop him because the whole thing's king of funny."

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

"Now, should we add something at the end about how wise we are and therefore nothing in here should ever be changed?"

"I understand the Ten Commandments. But what is this Second Amendment he keeps going on about?"

'Look ... A fresh one!'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'Do you still insist on taking the fifth on how many fifths you took on the fifth?'