Constitutional Comedians T-Shirts

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Judge Mental.'

'Talk to my lawyer.'

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

'We'd better patent this, so the homo sapiens can't steal it from us, like they did with the fire.'

Memory Foam Mattress.

"Got outta jury duty!"

"Russia is run by rich oligarchs. America is run by rich insurance companies."

'You say you saw my client do it. OK, but what if the jury doesn't believe you? Try to think outside the witness box.'

'I'm groping for a snappy, Hollywood-style one-liner in answer to your question, your Honor, but all I'm coming up with is 'Not Guilty!''

"He can't tell his left from his right."

'My client stands before you, a jury of his peers ...'

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"