Constitutional Comedian T-Shirts

"Seriously? You refuse to answer based on the fifteenth amendment?"

'Perhaps we ought to stop quipping about the right to arm bears?'

"Goddamn it Randy, the constitution gives us the right to bear arms..."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Justice

Fairtale prosecutions.

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."